“You don’t look like you’ve had a baby.” I get that line a lot. I know it’s meant as a complement, but I always feel a bit insulted. It makes me wonder what is thought about women that don’t lose the pregnancy weight? That are curvier than me, or don’t have time to workout because they are too busy taking care of their high-needs baby? It also sort of undermines all of the hard work that I’ve put in to achieve my own goals. I’m sure you will notice that based on many of my posts; but What I struggle with most is being openly over-criticized during the process of motherhood. Parenting is hard enough as it is without getting constantly judged by every Jane, Dick and Joe that crosses your path. I also wonder what that says to them about the quality of my parenting? Does it suggest that I am a good parent or a bad one? The way that I look should have nothing to do with that information, people should instead gauge how well I’m doing, and how well any mother is doing based on how happy,healthy, and well-loved and taken care of their child is.
I feel like I’ve been ranting a lot lately, but hear me out! I’ve realized that I have a lot of frustration when it comes to this topic. There are so many things that I did not expect with the whole becoming-a-mom thing and this is the biggest one. There seems to be a common understanding in North America that pregnant women should be uplifted in a sense. For example I’ve never felt more unattractive in my life in the final weeks of my pregnancy. I was under-slept, uncomfortable and puffy. Some days were harder than most for sure. But do you blame me? Its a lot of change to take all at once, and the hormone imbalance does not help! But just like it takes a village to raise a child it also takes one to read the mother.
What many people don’t know about me is how much I struggled post-partum. People do a good job convincing mothers they care by constantly asking them “how are you feeling?” throughout their pregnancies. They also do a good job uplifting the mama, by offering help and attempting to convince her of how beautifully she’s glowing while pregnant. After pregnancy however, it’s like nobody cares about the mom, the questions become “hows the baby?” the mother is rarely asked about her well-being, and after-labour can be tough! I found it more challenging than the labour itself because for starters, my organs weren’t in the right place, I was also sore everywhere, and my heart raced constantly for no reason. I really had to focus to even breathe. I even told my husband “I think I’m dying.” Which terrified both of us because I meant it.
Fast forward to regaining my sense of self, energy levels and rebalancing my fluctuating hormones and moods through good old-fashioned fitness and nutrition. How I “look” is bonus, the biggest journey for me is how I “feel” I was terrified and nobody seemed to care. Now I feel stronger, more like myself and less afraid of what the future holds for me... I also stopped worrying about pelvic floor through kubg-fu taboo, but that’s another blog posting in itself.
My advice is simple:
1. Remember the mother after the baby is born, she exists and may doubt this based on how ignored she is, and how overwhelmingly challenging it can be at first.
2. Telling “some” moms that it doesn’t look like they’ve had kids make other moms feel bad when they realize they haven’t heard the same. Don’t bring down others in attempt to uplift someone, it’s not going to work with me, we are all gorgeous and post-baby bodies vary tremendously, and thank goodness for that because diversity is the spice of life.
Lastly, yes, I do realize it’s meant as a compliment and am grateful, but I’m always thinking about my fellow mothers, especially when they’re around me when comments like that are being made, it’s unfair to them, so be more aware please. Thanks for reading, and remember to pass it on to new and expecting mama friends and their families. This understanding needs to become more commonplace.
I feel like I’ve been ranting a lot lately, but hear me out! I’ve realized that I have a lot of frustration when it comes to this topic. There are so many things that I did not expect with the whole becoming-a-mom thing and this is the biggest one. There seems to be a common understanding in North America that pregnant women should be uplifted in a sense. For example I’ve never felt more unattractive in my life in the final weeks of my pregnancy. I was under-slept, uncomfortable and puffy. Some days were harder than most for sure. But do you blame me? Its a lot of change to take all at once, and the hormone imbalance does not help! But just like it takes a village to raise a child it also takes one to read the mother.
What many people don’t know about me is how much I struggled post-partum. People do a good job convincing mothers they care by constantly asking them “how are you feeling?” throughout their pregnancies. They also do a good job uplifting the mama, by offering help and attempting to convince her of how beautifully she’s glowing while pregnant. After pregnancy however, it’s like nobody cares about the mom, the questions become “hows the baby?” the mother is rarely asked about her well-being, and after-labour can be tough! I found it more challenging than the labour itself because for starters, my organs weren’t in the right place, I was also sore everywhere, and my heart raced constantly for no reason. I really had to focus to even breathe. I even told my husband “I think I’m dying.” Which terrified both of us because I meant it.
My advice is simple:
1. Remember the mother after the baby is born, she exists and may doubt this based on how ignored she is, and how overwhelmingly challenging it can be at first.
2. Telling “some” moms that it doesn’t look like they’ve had kids make other moms feel bad when they realize they haven’t heard the same. Don’t bring down others in attempt to uplift someone, it’s not going to work with me, we are all gorgeous and post-baby bodies vary tremendously, and thank goodness for that because diversity is the spice of life.
Lastly, yes, I do realize it’s meant as a compliment and am grateful, but I’m always thinking about my fellow mothers, especially when they’re around me when comments like that are being made, it’s unfair to them, so be more aware please. Thanks for reading, and remember to pass it on to new and expecting mama friends and their families. This understanding needs to become more commonplace.
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