Happiness

In today’s world, it’s easy to be sad; especially if you’re an empathetic person that reads the paper, listens to the news, and sees the world as harshly and as vulgarly as the media portrays it daily. In today’s world it’s easy to lack confidence in yourself; especially if you’re online and connected to several social media outlets; constantly comparing your everyday life, to the exciting highlights of your seemingly effortlessly attractive, adventurous and worry-free friends. Nonetheless, despite the constant negative influences that are force-fed to us on a regular basis, there are strange people among us, people like myself, who manage to find happiness despite the lack of absolute perfection in their lives. I happen to be in a field of work that encourages me to motivate other people. This position has taught me a lot about myself, and about the commonality between absolute strangers.

(Ironically distracting side note about Social Media) : It's a powerful tool that can be used for good, instead of jealousy and pettiness. I’m a part of a worldwide movement that aims to spread good vibes. Join me. Spread the good vibes, give compliments easily, laugh at yourself and share what inspires you and makes you happy. Remember to use the hashtag #GoodVibesOnly or my personal favorite, #TheGoodVibeTribe

I got inspired to write a post about this topic because I often get asked questions such as: “What is the secret?” “How do you stay so positive all of the time?”  I never know how to answer such questions, not because I’m keeping secrets (I wouldn't do such a thing), but because they’re wrong about me… I’m not always happy, though I do smile quite often; my life is imperfect, just like everyone else’s, and I’m perfectly okay with it! Acceptance and wiliness to grow from your experiences will take you everywhere in life. I’m tragically too young and inexperienced to be a guru about anything, but I can share five important lessons that I've learned about happiness and life satisfaction.

1.       See no evil: They say the grass is greener on the other side, but why the heck should we care about what’s on the other side? The reality is, the cards that we are dealt in life, are the only ones that we have. I've learned at a very young age to make the best out of my current situation at all times. I know it’s easier said than done, what isn't!? Nonetheless, I made it my personal objective to be mindful of what I was watching. I attempted the impossible, and tried to stop watching commercials (which is the point of cable television to me). Despite my efforts, ads started squeezing in during sport games, and product placements appeared in music videos and movies too! Why did I care to notice all of this? For me, the more things that I see, the more things that I want, and I don’t think I’m alone on this boat. Therefore I simply stopped looking. I stopped listening and I boycott ads like my life depended on it! Because in all honestly, I have no room in my home, nor my budget for yet another waste of time, space, and money in my life. We live in a world of excess, and the less that I participate in it, the happier and more relaxed that I feel. I appreciate what I have, and I found that much easier to achieve when I stopped desiring more ...stuff.

2.       Stop trying to understand everything:

“The ability to observe without evaluating is the highest form of intelligence.” – Jiddu Krishnamurti

I stopped asking what I refer to as “Rhetorical Questions of Unhappiness” which are questions with no real answers, nor benefit to me for wondering about it. Examples: When unfortunate situations happen (as they inevitably do because life is pure chaos)  I stopped asking questions such as “Why me?”; or when I see one of my friends travelling and exploring the world while sharing breathtaking photos on social media, I stopped asking myself “How do they afford that lifestyle? Why not me?”. Do you see where I’m getting at? I once started a spoken word piece with the following words 
“Over thinking, like over-drinking is bad for you, but so addicting.” Stop asking yourself questions like that, it doesn't benefit you in any way.  You can only control yourself in this world, if there’s something you’d like, that you do not have, make a smart plan to change your situation.

3.       Woman in the Mirror: I like to say and think that I love myself, however I started noticing how critical I am of myself when I make mistakes. As a competitive person, I hold myself to a high standard. When I don’t meet that standard and it means a lot to me, I feel disappointed, ashamed and often inadequate. I need to stop that and take it easy! During sports was the worst for me! If I missed a serve during a volleyball game for example, I always brought myself down a little bit in my own head. I realized that that behaviour was toxic to my general happiness. Being aware of my negative self-talk has allowed me to influence the pattern; we are creatures of habit after all. I learned that negative self-talk is automatic, it’s the positive self-talk that you must force at first. However, with patience and persistence, it will become your new automatic response. When I miss a serve today, instead of going to that place in my head where I feel like I've let myself down, I say out loud “hope the next serve comes to me! I need to redeem myself pronto.” And I usually do! Here are a few tips that can help you to Be kinder to yourself...

4.       What makes you happy? Honestly, answer the question, what really makes you happy? Now think of an answer that has nothing to do with something that you do not have. Is there anything you've ever done in your life that has used to make you happy? As an active child, I've always liked games and sports. Though I didn't grow up rich, I was fortunate enough to have lots of friends, and opportunities to play sports at school, and man… I loved it. One day I thought to myself, if playing sports once made me happy, could it happen again? For me, the answer was yes. When I joined a running team, a Kettle bell sport team and a few volleyball teams (gradually over the past 5 years) I was, and continue to be filled with joy at every game, and team training session. Another thing that I really enjoyed once upon a time was art. Though I still write furiously in my journal, I used to draw and paint regularly; I enjoyed the small meticulous attention to detail that came with creating an art piece. So I found myself an old sketch book and a couple of supplies, and started drawing a few nights a week… by myself, like a big girl and I couldn't be happier. What have you stopped doing that used to make you happy? Is it dancing? Singing? Improv? … Remember what you used to love, and if it is possible, try to do it again! Nostalgia and joy can overwhelm you when you re-discover that thing. Good luck!

5.       Where’s your head at? To me, being happy is the same as being present, and in the moment. Appreciating the current view from the window, breathing deeply, and being thankful for the existence of the present moment are very important to me. I find that I'm unhappiest when looking for happiness from external sources. I learned that, though we all love a good compliment, the compliments that I gave myself should be enough. Be self-sufficient with your happiness, look to yourself and value your own opinion of yourself just as much, if not more, than you value that of others. I don’t mean ignore all constructive criticism from others… but can you tell the difference between being judged and being helped? Are you helping yourself when you ruminate, get into your own head, and think about yesterdays, tomorrows, and today's problems all at once? Relaaax, breathe deeply, and try to take life one moment at a time, I find that it’s easier to chew it that way.

Those are my 5 lessons. I hope they've provided some sort of insight. Remember, there is nothing wrong with you! It’s this world, it’s a bit corrupted. Low Self-Esteem and unhappiness has become quite profitable; in fact, many companies rely on your negative self-criticism to sell their products to you. 

“If we all learned to love our true selves and see our natural beauty, how many companies would go under?” - Annonymous

Happiness is a work in progress, and a way of life. Everyone has bad days, it's remembering what you can do to change your situation. It's nice to work on ourselves because there's a part of us that is drawn by perfection, even though we know deep down that it doesn't exist. I mean, listen to the makeup ads “Flawless complexion, pore-free perfection, infallible lashes etc...”  What about the fitness product ads, or clothing ads, or even the food ads... Everything about commercials has become a slow motion, hypnotizing conspiracy to me, and I needed to snap out of it and remember how to love myself as is… Self-love is free; it’s the superficial stuff that you have to pay for in more ways than one.

I challenge you to work on yourself, and do what you need to do to encourage your own happiness. Good luck and thank you for reading.

#GoodVibesOnly